What a year

what a year that was

once again short and hard

sweet and sharp

high and low

I stopped and go go go

ahead ahead

not cat not mouse

I am not on the hunt

but the one who dares

high-spirited tireless

much too busy

many things are a nuisance to me

some recognition is painful

but not recognising costs more strength

so I swung myself up

set myself goals galore

tired again and again

again and again it was too much effort

so two steps back

shake myself and went on to new happiness

so often failed because of myself

not following my own example

wanting too much always

just supposed to

it pisses me off now and then

and yet I need the plan

that motivates me

directs when after a sleepless night

I wish I had not woken up

I need - and I know that for sure - structure like a little child

not to lose it in everyday life

is a constant juggling of

want I, may I, must I?

and later, now and not now

I get better from year to year

to recognise what is really true

not to fool myself

to laugh at myself

to make every day new