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Now & then

the frightening step into the unknown


all alone

forever yours

forgiven dream

cramped rooms

hoarse shouting into the dark forest

loud silence and emotional violence

too much of me

far too little me

not feeling myself

reading the books on your shelves

a smile sad but pure

hoping for "tomorrow for sure!"


I now stand alone on the edge

before two in front of a wall

I'm already threatening to fall

I no longer have to please you

but I also lack support too

my judge, my plaintiff, my lawyer

I do what I want - Yes I will!

my head never stands still

I confirm myself

you don't decide

I question myself

no disapproval, no compliment I chase


without a hand behind my back

no crooked crutches

self-chosen fate and inner voice

I have no choice

always, always my turn

you don't see my fire burn

it's my show now

you never understand how

my green teary eyes

I believe in the good in disguise

I am alone too

I can't be me with you


lost myself and you

Who is who?

nightmares and romantic sighing

night tickled giggled and crying

long silent night

you hold me too tight

sweaty nightmare shocked

woken by your alarm clock

touch me

feel you too

stand by me

walk behind you


who am I alone?

can you be more?

dissatisfied with me

no more war, you see

a little crazy

let you go baby

my wish tree

no mistrust

sometimes I don't trust myself

no expectation-heavy weight

everything better?

bloodstained and shattered!



to separate myself

to run away

to get off the train

to show myself

check my chances

my spirits that called me

thrown back at me

my dreams discarded

empty handed

divorce branded

i hold my breath

I'm scared to death!



PS: is this poetry or some sort of therapy? Sometimes I feel my poetry is too personal , maybe intimidating and definitely too trivial. But when I share my poetry with my heart wide open like this, the response is usually as warm-hearted. Would love to discuss this question if someone else was interested!?










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9 Comments


Alistair Scott
Alistair Scott
Nov 27, 2023

I often think my own poetry is too simple. I certainly don't have the depth and breadth of knowledge and vocabulary others have and it is easy to lose confidence in your own voice.


Don't do that! There's this belief - sometimes fostered by education, or so-called 'intellectuals' - that 'good poetry' has to be dense, contain obscure allusions, and be wordy, using 'high-brow vocabulary'.


That's rubbish! Some of the finest poems are beautifully simple and easy to read. Think Robert Frost's 'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening'. It is easy to read and is written in simple, everyday language. And, precisely because of that simplicity, it is hugely powerful.


It's power comes from the variety of ways it can…


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Alistair Scott
Alistair Scott
Dec 14, 2023
Replying to

One of my mantras is to create 'interpretive space' in whatever I write. That is, to keep it simple in a way that allows different readers to get different messages out of it (like with Frost's poem). But doing that ain't easy! "Easy reading is hard writing" as someone once said.

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Unknown member
Nov 27, 2023

Writing poetry is a proven and effective therapy that benefits you physically, mentally and emotionally. The process of putting words on paper helps the brain to make sense of thoughts we hold inside. That's part of why so many of us write some of our poetry about our PD - it helps us to process the changes in our lives. But as poets we write about other things too that we observe or recall or imagine. Not for therapy but to use our creativity, it's amazing how liberating it feels once you let go.


Deciding to share our poetry, especially the personal stuff is another question and depends, I suppose, on our motivation. Most of my personal, therapy driven poetry…


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Unknown member
Nov 27, 2023

Hello and I very much thank you both, I was so happy to get response to my question at all. That is excactly the kind of feedback and exchange I value our comunity for. I don't mind a well-written and thoughtful essay, Stephen, and it's great to know, you both feel similar too. As you can imagine, it sometimes isn't easy for me - in a different language - to express, what I like to say, in a quality, that is not necesesarily award winning but still apealing. So thank you both for your time and thoughts on it. Be sure, I will consider it, while growing as a human and author. Cheers poets and hugs to Ali for especiiall…

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Stephen Kingsnorth
Stephen Kingsnorth
Nov 26, 2023

I fear I feel an essay coming!

I suppose all my poetry is therapy. At LEAST it is a distraction from PD pains. At BEST it becomes positive; either exorcising demons of the past or exercising the little grey cells with word play/association, because I find words fascinating. Because of my first 'distraction' function. I try to avoid reading about PD, though realise others may need to write poetry about their PD as their therapy!

Sometimes very personal poetry from others can feel intimidating; one does not want to make any comment that is treading on toes or sounds like an intervention. Another problem, which I wrote about in a piece read at Open Mic, 'RBTL' (Reading Between the Lines)…

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Unknown member
Nov 27, 2023
Replying to

🚩Very much looking forward to your RBTL piece.

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Alison Blevins
Alison Blevins
Nov 26, 2023

I think the best poetry comes from us when we do reveal our inner most thoughts and feelings. This poem is certainly personal but that is why it moves the reader - we can recognise ourselves and our own experiences in it. I'd love to chat poetry any time with you Rina I understand your thinking, I often think my own poetry is too simple. I certainly don't have the depth and breadth of knowledge and vocabulary others have and it is easy to lose confidence in your own voice. Rina your voice voice is strong.💕

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