My Selfless Carer

My partner is now my carer

Do I disagree?

I do some chores, I'm independent.

We are equal, you and me.

Wait a minute, I need help.

My parkies is relentless.

Taking more and more amount.

Like an unstoppable direct debit.

Depleting my dopamine account.

Her sadness and fears.

She puts to one side.

No reason for tears.

Gets on with the job of helping me.

Cleaning, cooking and emotional support.

And cups of tea.

Her sense of loss.

Of the man I was.

Is not in conversation.

More important is the man I am.

And what leads to frustration

Respite, she needs a night out with the girls.

Selflessly not drinking in large amounts.

I ask if they mentioned me.

But it's not about how I am.

It's how she is that counts.

She is my voice.

When my vocals are broke.

Someone at the pub asked.

Has he had a stroke?

It's dyskinesia, she replied.

You can see his head jerking.

I'll get him to the exit soon.

If his legs are working.

Only had a point of lager

Then he gets frustrated.

Unsteady on his feet.

Some stare and mutter.

Must be intoxicated.

At the airport we are tested.

She ensures I'm medicated and rested.

Then I quickly fall apart.

Searched by Border Force.

Infusion pump line wired to my body.

Endless queues, legs like Jelly.

I follow her to duty free.

She deserves a minor spending spree.

I just get stressed and confused.

Will it get any scarier?

Maybe later I’m the unexpected item.

In the bagging area.

My partner says.

I'm like a fading picture.

A silhouette of a man.

My selfie blurred.

I wish I could go back.

And find out.

How my parkies was incurred.

In sickness and in health.

No instructions from above.

Standard contract marriage lines.

Impossible to fulfil.

Without patience, understanding and love.