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Updated: Feb 12

Sometimes I fantasise

that you stand on a stage,

when you’re about that age:

hot as fire, big desires,

set free to see the world

find out new things

find the one and only answer

to all the questions, you may ask.

questioning what is

what was

and redefine what will be!

So you stand on that stage

and take them all:

the Oscars and the Noble prize

The Olympic golden medal

and the Pulitzer alright.

you thank the officials

and everyone you love

and in this fantasy

It comes to me!

You say - remember it’s made up in my mind-

you’re proud of me

and look up to me

for how brave I was and still need to be

how much my love and strength encouraged you

how much it needed me to do

the audience in tears of understanding, already standing

and everyone in this big hall

sings “the greatest Love of all”!

“Everybody searching for a hero.

People need someone to look up to...”

I can hear the voices

judging my brave choices

I got the chills

need to take my pills

and then I wake up

thank god, it was just a dream

because it is a horror scene

to feel this responsibility on my shoulders

this aching parts of mine

barely, carrying, all the pain

and to see you tight to them

like a cage to live within

makes me uncomfortable!

I don’t want you to thank me

because really, I owe thee

cause for you and your brother,

I am a mother, I am alive because you needed me

I am alive because I wasn’t free

to make wrong choices

take excuses or fast exit

you never said: thanks that’s it!

you’re always wanted more

than I thought I could

you always loved me more

than I hoped you would!

And there was nothing so special about us

a normal mother, child love it is

a normal life with fight and tears

long, painful nights with sickness and fears

sunny summer days with ice cream at the beach

and currywurst one each

we had fun, we did run

and jumped over fences

crawled through the mud

it was everything but

boring and never will be!

You are so smart with your golden heart

your mild and soft

But ambitious and steady like a rock

You wouldn’t give up on me, or anyone else

you loved your mother,

as well as your brother

daddies little girl and everyone’s sunshine

I am so proud you’re mine

the one on the stage,

who you should thank for

you strength and brave:

is you, living outside the cage!

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