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Family Ties

T’was at Dad's funeral, sad to say

That all family ties were last on display

 

With Reindeer and Snowmen, Christmas trees too,

In reds and greens, even in blue.

 

All tightly knotted, proud as can be

Our family ties were a sight to see

 

Time passed, knot's slipped, the ties became loose

And before long, they felt like a noose

 

But Father Time's helping, along with our Dad,

To relearn the knots, that made us so glad

 

So let's all hope, in the coming new year 

Knots will re-tighten, by all we hold dear

 

With love and full Windsor, we'll cherish the day 

When all the Family Ties are back on display.

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5 comentários


Graham Pitcher
Graham Pitcher
08 de jan.

Wow ..thank you again for your interest,...

I'll revisit it in the coming nights... G

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Membro desconhecido
08 de jan.

A clever idea. the full Windsor moment is excellent and sends you back to the beginning to start again. Noting your dialogue with Steven - One of the benefits of this site is the kind feedback and support shown by our fellow poets. I rewrote part of my latest one based in input that way and it's a better poem for it. Its equally acceptable to leave it where the muse took it in the first place or you could be tinkering for ever

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It's only with the appearance of Windsor, I re-read the ties, and things fall into place.... I do like it when such puzzles are laid before the reader, who unravels the knots after reading the last couplet. I like the sentiment, love the image, and its unfolding (untying?!). To this old curmudgeon, the metre/rhythm is vital, and that is dependent on the syllable count for each line being equal, which means playing with the order of words (or the alternative synonyms) to fix that. Then I would have a brilliant poem - and rhyme, though important with this form, is at its best when it flows naturally and unforced. But that's my style; it may not be yours. The…

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Respondendo a

I spent last night feeling bad that I had gone too far in my comments... but this reply of yours is most gracious! I also felt that I wished I had written the piece! I did in fact practice what I would have written (obviously in my style) because I thought the idea was so good. I ended up with:


T’was at Dad’s wake, I’m sad to say,

family ties last on display.


Snowmen, reindeer, Christmas trees too,

in berry red, green, even blue.


Tightly knotted, proud as can be,

family ties, a sight to see.


Time passed, knots slipped, those ties came loose,

and soon suspended as a noose.


But Father Time, along with Dad,

helped relearn knots which…


Curtir
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